Dedicated to Nakasey Goodluck Barker
I have to admit that being in love hurts when you love the wrong person.
Why do we stand by our partners knowing that they are no good for us? Well I had that problem. I have caught him cheating on me, on more than one occasion. But still I couldn't find the strength to leave him.
We first met in Trinidad around the carnival season few years back and I had cut real style on him. Oh how I wish I did the same when we had met again last year Easter; instead, our connection was better than any mobile service in the Caribbean. Since then, we have been together but not with each other. He's the only guy I have ever been so deeply in love with. When you talk about unconditional love and making sacrifices that was me… I would put up with his dishonesty or more like turn a blind eye to the shit he would do and say, it killed me -not softly but deeply and as time passed he got worse. The lies were more frequent and it seemed as if he didn't care about hurting me anymore. Even though I was always hurting, I was too scared to start another relationship and love another man the way I loved him.
Our relationship was a constant battle that we both had refused to lose. There were times that I just wanted to give up but the challenge was more than just a fight for love. Besides who else would put up with my madness, my crazy sense of humor, the burping and farting. I am not perfect, but I was real and so was he. So what's a girl to do? Stay and fight for her relationship or give up and try to find a new love?
Believe me I prayed and I prayed for an answer and God guided me...
Seeing that my dad had been on my back to return to Trinidad and to finish school, I prayed some more as this meant leaving Antigua, selling my little old jeep I owed nobody for and renting my home out so it can pay for itself. This was an opportunity not only to better myself but to get away from him. So I gave it all up to focus on me and start a new life, no distractions, no drama, no more lies, no more tears and no more him. I still love him though and always will, but to stay and fight for something that’s already broken would be emotionally unhealthy and I deserved better. Today I ran across a quote that read, ‘Love passes time, but time passes Love’. With that said, I am going to do whatever it takes to rebuild my self-confidence and back on my grind.
1 comment:
Sweetheart, this was touching and i love you very much for writing this and dedicating it to me. All love big sister. i love your blogs< keep going hun.
Kasey
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