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Over the past year, we have seen each other’s struggles for a better life and a search to find true love. You have satisfied me mentally in a sense of knowing what it really feels like to be comforted at nights and waking up feeling secured. I have never met anyone as real and unselfish as you are, and I have grown to unconditionally accept what little but meaningful times we have shared. I have accepted your flaws and wasted no time trying to change who you are or asking for more.
Each night as I tuck myself in bed I still picture you curled up next me saying, ‘jus hold me nah!’ every time I tried grabbing for your crutch… and I would smile, wishing I could hear it every night. Wishing that the man I loved would hold me the way you did right after we made love. Wishing it was right to have you both in my life. Someday soon, you both would understand and accept my decision to let go and move on, but right now I need you more than I ever did. It was impossible for me to tell you that he still existed in my life and I needed him like how I would have wanted you to be in my life. It isn’t complicated once you have given it some unselfish thought by putting yourself in my shoes.
The image I painted for you was real, but you never took the time to see the inner beauty as you only accepted it as another cup in your hand. I respected you for not promising or giving me the impression it was me you wanted a life with. I remained true to our friendship because you never took me for granted. How can I not want be with a man who provides and wants only but to know I’m going to be there when he calls? I trusted my instincts and I held on to you, because there wasn’t anyone out there who could replace you right now. I would admit that there are times that I just want to give up but the challenge is more than just a fight for love.
Love
O'Jay-Maria Harris
27.05.11
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